Sharing is Caring

Okay, real talk. 

I neglect things. I neglect to put my shoes back in their boxes and my clothes on their hangers. I neglect to make my bed when I get out of it. I neglect to put on gloves when it’s a whole 2° outside. AND I neglect to rip open my heart and pour out the contents thereof to people who mean the most to me. BUT IS THAT REALLY NEGLECT? 

Here’s the point, FEELING. VULNERABLE. IS SCARY. That’s a cold hard fact.

I’ll cut to the chase here and I’ll use myself as an example. 

Talking about certain things like, burdens God has given me, or things that bother me on a deep level, exposing the depth of my soul is albeit TERRIFYING. Seriously. 

Sometimes it’s hard to just get it out there and not panic and question whether the someone you’re saying it to isn’t thinking, “Um. I’m sorry, what?” Because let’s be honest, sometimes when God reveals things to us, it clicks in such a beautiful way that we get excited and want other people to see it or to hear it through us. So, like the humans we are, we just go out there and share it with abandon...and suddenly it’s out there! Out in the Serengeti among what feels like Lions and buzzards stalking your heart, burden, or ideas. Which means, you’re now thinking, “OH MY GOD! I TAKE IT BACK! SOMEBODY GET ME OUT OF HERE, WHAT DID I EVEN JUST SAY?!” Panic ensues! You don’t know if you’ve explained it well. You feel like all of a sudden the person whose ideas and anointing you admire is over there thinking, “What in the world, I thought they were smart/godly/anointed.” And what does this do to you? The confidence you had in the word or anointing that God gave to you, just got snatched up! You watch it flop away, black and white and red all over, limp in the jaws of the Lions that scared you in that wide open space I mentioned before! 

Those things, dear and close to your heart, meant something to you. It felt real. It felt like God had breathed life into it and soon as you spoke it out loud, my goodness, it’s like your heart just dropped it and ran. 

This leaves you to bargain. You ask, “You know what I mean?” You want to know if the person you just let in is sticking it out with you...or if they’re going to be another Lion. 

You’re basically sitting there, panicked and anxious… asking this person if they’re going to eat you. You’re asking them how they like the taste of your ideas, your dreams, your plans, your ANOINTING. 

Here’s my thing. You can have private things with God. In our world, ministry is attractive. It’s the holy of holies in a relationship, friendship, acquaintanceship...and all the other ships that are out here sailing off the coast of the Apostolic Pentecostal movement. So we feel like we have to spill our spiritual guts to everybody we find appealing. But there’s always that chance that they won’t “feel” that. However, its highly unfair not to give people the opportunity to fall in love with the Jesus in you. 

I was having a conversation about my giftings with someone I wanted so desperately to believe in me…but I was not confident that they did. In a moment of frustration I told this person about these giftings and gave examples and witnesses, because I was angry that they had not tried to see this in me for themselves. I didn’t want them to think I was bragging, or that I thought myself more spiritual, or most importantly…not to believe me. 

So, I choked it out of myself in spite of feeling like these things were all too sacred to speak out loud. And then came the punch to the gut and the knife to my heart when they said, “Well, I didn’t feel that. Maybe someone else will. But I don’t.” I’m paraphrasing, but that was the message nonetheless.

I’d like to tell you that I was strong in the face of it, but it gutted me. This person who I thought would never disappoint me, disappointed me in the most devastating way because in spite of having said moments later that they weren’t saying that they didn’t believe me…it was not enough to undo the blow they’d dealt me.

 At the time, it was my belief that giftings, anointing, etc. didn’t need to be talked about, because those who were supposed to know it - would see it for themselves - either when operating in this gifting or they would feel it somewhere deep in their spirit that something was different…special. 

And yet, in spite of this person believing I was different, they didn’t press me to know WHAT was different. 

It mattered to me what this person thought, because I wanted them to believe in me as much as I believed in them. 

However, as I look back on this conversation, I realize how unfair I had been to them. I waited until years had gone by before I revealed to them something that was sacred to me…and something they so desperately wanted me to share and to share with me as well. This person was one in which I could trust, and it wasn’t until I had starved them in the most important aspect of our friendship that I noticed that we were in trouble. This person never wanted to be a lion, but I falsely deemed them as one who would chew me up and spit me out if I ever gave them a taste of what I had to offer. 

I tricked myself into believing that they did not want me to tell them when God spoke to me. The enemy lied to me and I gave ear when he said that my relationship with God wasn’t enough to share and that this person who loved me…would never believe in me. 

Even though this person said nearly the exact thing I had always feared they would say - they never would have had the opportunity had I not made the Lion of my life God instead of them. I have mentioned before that the God we serve is a lion of victory, refuge, and protection - yet instead of feeding the Lion that could protect me and lend me strength and confidence…I was feeding this person my time and relishing in who they were to me - rather than who God was to US. Now, I’m not saying this person was on a pedestal or was ranked above God…I’m saying they were on different pages of my life. As much as I wanted to put the two together, I did not know how. 

We have all heard the story or parable of the wolves of the spirit - whichever you feed will be strongest - the same goes for who  we live our lives FOR and how we live them. What we give of our time to WILL be Great. There is no doubt about that. But…

God cannot be Great if we do not place Him at the height of everything. 

Listen. Hear me when I say...You can pray over your dreams, plans, ideas, anointing and the Words that have been spoken over you, but what you ABSOLUTELY CAN NOT DO is ask other people’s permission to believe them. Don’t share everything until You feel released by God to do so. BUT - trust, even though you may not come by it easily - is the foundation of your relationships. If you cant tell somebody who loves you and chooses you that God has His hand on you life AND YOU KNOW IT then what CAN you tell them?

I know it can be uncomfortable to share something that has been ONLY yours for so long - but we must learn that He is meant to be shared and especially with those we love.

Do me a favor, never ever go without giving the people in your life an opportunity to see God working in, through, and around you because my life’s greatest regret has been that I was only MOSTLY myself with someone who was EVERYTHING to me. God is a part of me, He and His will and Kingdom are important to me - and to this person - all I had to do was speak up. 

This weeks Prayer:

“God, I am coming to you with my heart - knowing that it is only fulfilled when you sit upon it’s throne. I am bringing you my loved ones and every missed opportunity that I had to share your influence and blessing in my life with those who mean the most to me. I know you make all things new, so I am asking that you give me a new resolve to be intentional with my relationships. As for me and my relationships - we will keep you not only at the center but also at the forefront so that we may continually strengthen our friendship with both you and one another.

 I thank you for being my life’s greatest love and my heart’s deepest joy - I ask that this week you would help me put that on display that those I come in contact with - both believers and nonbelievers alike - would have the opportunity to know you through me. “